| oh, google. |
[20 Nov 2009|07:47pm] |
A taste for irony has kept more hearts from breaking than a sense of humor, for it takes irony to appreciate the joke which is on oneself.
- Jessamyn West
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| thx google |
[01 Nov 2009|09:20am] |
If you would be a real seeker after truth, it is necessary that at least once in your life you doubt, as far as possible, all things.
- Rene Descartes
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| things i'm into: |
[24 Oct 2009|08:09pm] |
maps, travelling, contemplating my position on the planet, tattoos, scarification, piercings, body modification in general, shoes, walking in them and acknowledging their beauty-- both literally and metaphorically, glass pieces, talking about glass pieces with customers, working at papa's smokes, making things with metal, making things with trash, making things in general, doodling, playing with words, poetry, writing, other people's words, words in general, watching nonfiction shows that have been fictionalized as little as possible, watching showtime and fx, learning new things via every possible information outlet, plants, old buildings, plants growing on old buildings, traditionally restored cars, classic trucks, learning about both from sam, but i guess most of all, learning more about myself and the person i'm becoming.
it feels good to write that down. i'm sure there will be more, but it's back to work for me.
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| Papa's Smokes!!! |
[19 Oct 2009|02:48pm] |
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i keep running around the room, dancing with the puppies, singing, "mommy got a job! mommy got a job!" today has been great!
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| cicada reliquary |
[20 Sep 2009|05:40pm] |
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some days, i feel motivated. others, i don't. today, i wrote an entire paragraph and deleted it because i can. what'd i say? a whole bunch of nothing strung together by more nothing. i can't seem to find the will to care much about anything anymore. i think i've finally been beaten down where i am. but when the time comes, i'm going to leave this place and most of these people and i'm going to make myself wake up from this funk. four years of my life spent in a purgatory of life. i want that degree and the reputation that comes with it so that i can finally break it down and rebuild it into something that's actually worth a damn.
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| also, |
[22 Aug 2009|01:32am] |
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let's hope for good things this year, but never expect them.
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| a cathlic bishop |
[03 Aug 2009|01:24pm] |
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more proof that the majority of people are untrustable. it's really hard to tell myself that most things are worth anything anymore.
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| google qod |
[29 Apr 2009|02:20pm] |
We live in a moment of history where change is so speeded up that we begin to see the present only when it is already disappearing.
- R. D. Laing
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| no matter what |
[28 Mar 2009|07:21pm] |
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i'm always thinkin' up new ways to make that cash. thanks america.
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| the world changed today. |
[20 Jan 2009|12:56pm] |
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and i am not so stupid that i don't realize that life is going to be completely different for everyone especially the people born today or any point past today. we're making progress, people. let's smile.
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| i ask for a verb, you give me a noun. |
[20 Dec 2008|12:35am] |
i'm at the point in my life where love songs sound like bullshit, where i don't (or maybe can't) understand the sentiment behind them. yet i've found genuine comfort in someone else recently and i feel like my mindset might be either perfect for this or absolutely awful. before that, i'd discovered a love for being single that i never felt so intensely before, probably for the strong and independent feeling that i took away from it. i'm trying to balance being my own person and settle in with someone new; it's harder than i'd really like to admit, especially with a caring individual such as he. (yes, that's correct grammar. thank you, brenda.)
there are points where i am proud of myself for the person i have become (and am becoming), but there are also points where i question if i'm really as strong an individual as i'd like to be. i'm sure that must be similar for most everyone though.
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| DANKSGIVING2K8! |
[28 Nov 2008|08:46am] |
i spent this year in the backyard with brant, c. young, b. kennedy and my bebedoggies. we had crab legs and grilled kabobs with bacon-wrapped steak, bacon-wrapped shrimp, peppers and onions. for desert, we cooked up a delicious apple pie. it really felt like thanksgiving this year, rushing around to get everything cooked and keep the fire going (in the pit and in the bowl/bong/blunt/whatever).
i guess what i'm really thankful for this year is the ability to find family in the places you wouldn't necessarily expect to find them.
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| i didn't go out into the cold last night. |
[21 Nov 2008|09:31am] |
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instead, i talked to the boy-i-like all night and called my mother to come hang out with her sick baby today. all i really want is to not be sick, but i'll settle on some movies with my momma instead. if i die from this bullshit, you can thank this amazing country for not having free health care for me. maybe i should start considering moving elsewhere in the future.
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| BSS/V89 |
[21 Nov 2008|12:05am] |
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i'm being responsible and trying to get my body better, but honestly right now all i can think is that maybe i want to bundle up and go out into that hateful cold to not completely miss all of tonight. yes, that's where i am in life right now. earlier this sickness caused an anxiety attack and some gut-wrenching dry-heaving, but i think i've decided to at least brave the out of doors for fifteen minutes.
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| KIDZ BANG ALSO PEEP |
[19 Nov 2008|09:42am] |
we play a little game in our town to see what we can make collectively on the four knuckles of each hand, sometimes more if we're feeling rowdy. it is a stupid game and people laugh when the permanent marker makes its way into sight. like most everything else we do, it's something i enjoy because that's where i am in life. i'm at the point where i'm ready to enjoy anything and everything no matter what. (especially the disco ball and lava lamp gaying up my room most recently.) even this bullshit bronchitis that's stabbing me in the side and emptying me out through my esophagus. i can imagine the little hairs down there, blowing in the wheeze, breaking off and floating away the way a dead dandelion might. takes my breath away. literally.
not funny? oh well, i enjoyed it. c:
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| Save For The Hat |
[10 Nov 2008|03:44pm] |
you forget her father mostly because you remember
her mother.
you forget her father mostly because you can’t remember
your father.
you forget her father mostly because you can’t remember
a time when miami was part of the deep south.
you forget her father mostly because you can’t remember
the ring of the cash register, or the name of the peacock outside in the phone booth, or when homes even connected to grocery stores.
you do, however, remember her father mostly
because you can imagine but can’t quite remember his brain
splattering red all over the color pages of their lives twenty-some-odd years before you were born.
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| c'est parfait. |
[06 Nov 2008|01:28am] |
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goddamn, do i enjoy my personal time with kronz the monster!
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| welcome to sobriety. |
[04 Nov 2008|09:42am] |
hello morning, thanks again for the prism scratchmarks throughout my vision today and yesterday. I REALLY FUCKING APPRECIATE NOT BEING ABLE TO FOCUS ON ANYTHING. hopefully this entry isn't typo-ridden because i seriously just can't tell at all. don't guess i'm going to class anymore.
[edit:] cool, more monetary stress.
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| can't wait for anonymous. c: |
[04 Nov 2008|12:23am] |
yes, that really says, "IF WE WANT CHANGE WE'LL GO TO THE BANK."
i realized today that the reason obama's campaign signs are mostly pop art probably has a lot to do with marketability to morons. neutralize his race with brightly-colored high-contrast images and maybe he'll win..? FUCKING REALLY? goddamnit, bill maher, i don't know if i have enough love for this country to stay and try to make it better if mccain wins. and no, i really don't know if i think i'm being melodramatic in saying that or not.
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| remember this. |
[21 Oct 2008|08:46pm] |
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a little blue and green caterpillar told me winter's not going to be too harsh this year. let's see if he can be trusted.
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| w321<end with chadly. |
[20 Oct 2008|09:02am] |
vacationing in brevard is different than visiting people in brevard is different than living in brevard is different than dying in brevard. she was good to me this weekend, though, and i can't go without recognizing that. if i recognize that, i guess i must also recognize the nostalgia, shit-talking and cuddle fest that left me laughing more often than not. i feel like it's the only place to father multiple generations of differently-abled degenerates who believe the word 'nigger' is less offensive than the word 'graf'. maybe i'm wrong, but ( probably not. )
does anyone really feel any differently?
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| not the insect. |
[14 Oct 2008|02:46am] |
the other day i found a roach on the bathroom floor while i was peeing. this morning, i walked halfway home from our little religious haven. i am always so torn between the loyalty of ridding myself of things i enjoy for another and balancing the two guiltily. i can't believe the disrespect i've seen around me as of late, and for some reason i just keep trucking along taking it in quietly, understanding there's really no point in doing otherwise. it's disappointing even with my already low expectations. i've said this before. i suppose i keep repeating myself, but this time i can honestly say certain people have far exceeded my lowered expectations and that's, you see, quite far from deplorable.
p.s. my dog just ate my homework. no, srsly.
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| day and night; night and day. |
[12 Oct 2008|07:35am] |
blend them boys together, brain.
check marked lists
counting down to previously rumpled sheets
exposing only the edges of his
mattress, multiple blankets and white dog hair
as last night's fuck still lingers
slightly, leaving
a pleasantly impalpable perception
of the reality of
said situation.
check marked lists
counting down to arched backs, pulled
hair, heavy breaths and bitten lips
exposing the absence of awkward
as someone whispers breathily,
"you're an animal" and
your toothy smile
goes unnoticed in the darkness
of his dungeon.
check marked lists
counting down to one
or more plausible possibilities which
you, wide-eyed and awake, suppose
are really potential plausibilities
exposing the notion that
surely this is being
young and completely in love
with life.
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| i call her jelly bean, |
[08 Oct 2008|11:47am] |
they call her lady phoebe snow. either way, she got a good home, and that makes me incredibly happy even if i want to watch her play all day and can't.
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|
| preWWII era workshop poem |
[06 Oct 2008|11:53pm] |
For U.S. President 2008
In the beginning of this sentry, we need
a precedent for the new world. Choose
a logical thinker. Choose
a sober thinker. Choose
an environmentally conscious thinker. Choose
a decorated war hero. Choose
a family man. Choose
change-- in and out of your pocket.
I’m Adolf Hitler and I approve this message.
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| OBAMA |
[06 Oct 2008|04:28pm] |
exactly.
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| ticking tocks telling me how to tell my time. |
[05 Oct 2008|11:47am] |
instead of measuring time the 'proper' way, i save to my phone titles of songs i hear throughout the night, usually in some sort of fucked up short-hand that i'm dying to remember the next day. this song means this and that song meant that. this was this realization and that one was that. this is how my life is moving these days-- tripping silently from song title to song title.
i'm enjoying life.
and everyone in it.
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| dust in the wind, not on the mantle. |
[27 Sep 2008|01:54pm] |
in 100, 200, 300 years time, i hope that the humanities departments in colleges have recognized and given name to the next wave in literature post-postmodernism. if their study of the poetry genre of this era doesn't include all this goddamn poetic hiphop i keep listening to then society's educationally elite have failed us all. everything i've learned will be negated. how can i trust these people to give me what i need of the past if they don't get the right now part? by then it will be too late for me to do anything about it, because i will be nothing but teeth and ash.
i'm starting to wonder why i didn't choose to study all these other things in college that interest me wildly. why studio art and creative writing? why not literature? why not architecture? why not advertising? why not civil rights? why not history? i don't know. i'm probably just going to spend the rest of my life figuring out how to do the things i love, and eat. fuck anything else. let's build houses out of trash!
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| can we say goddamn? |
[21 Sep 2008|04:43pm] |
the first, that blue-eyed-beauty, has gone to a good home with a loving family. i miss them, but i do not miss having to take care of them.
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| so much has changed. |
[18 Sep 2008|01:18am] |
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social circles, cycles, success. i'm completely unmotivated in school and would rather spend my time meeting new people and being young the way i'm often not. i don't know what to think about some of it, but the rest i'm pretty damn psyched about. we'll see, i guess.
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| september 15 |
[15 Sep 2008|10:01pm] |
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i laugh and joke about partying for my half-birthday, but all i really want to do is scream that this date stands out because of several very important reasons, not the least being franky's birthday. but really, we all know that if i said that, i would have some serious explaining to do and talking about your dead friend that no one's ever met isn't the most comfortable thing in the world to do.
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| our tale of woe. |
[10 Sep 2008|11:58am] |
|
this tired morning brings you the epic tale of sir jayson frazier's previous night. it begins with only two little fried bean flautas and ends in disaster-- sir jayson face down on the kitchen floor, attempting to feed the companion beasts peanut butter from a silver spoon, and ralphing in a bucket.
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| been thinkin' this a lot. |
[05 Aug 2008|05:06pm] |
"In real life, unlike in Shakespeare, the sweetness of the rose depends upon the name it bears. Things are not only what they are. They are, in very important respects, what they seem to be."
- Hubert H. Humphrey
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| his name's cohen. |
[03 Aug 2008|11:39pm] |
yes, livejournal, that is a cream and white boston terrier.
yes, livejournal, that is why i'm really stoked right now.
yes, livejournal, i do have a sense of purpose again.
yes, livejournal, it is loving all six of these dudes.
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| litterbug. |
[27 Jul 2008|03:18pm] |
it's stressful and you lose a lot of sleep and you're constantly worried if they're gonna be okay or not, if they're eating okay, if she's cleaning them the right way. i can't believe this is just a litter of puppies. people actually do this with little tiny human beings? fuck that noise.
mothers, my hat has been, and will always be, off to you.
but srsly, LOL @ PREGNANCY.
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| i just realized how much i miss my dog. |
[24 Jul 2008|02:18am] |
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it's been a day. the house feels empty without her following me through it. it's been a fucking day and i feel like my security blanket has abandoned me. i feel downright uncomfortable in my room without her in it licking her ass and snorting up a storm. this is seriously ridiculous, and i can't wait to get her and her soon-to-be-born pups back home.
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| i'm finding myself. |
[20 Jul 2008|12:51pm] |
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constantly being tested, it seems, pushed to the limit. i'm finding my inner peace in a time of uncertainty and stress. i'm happy, but everything in my life is trying to bring me back down. well, i say, fuck you. this happiness is from within, from being content with who i am right now as a person. not from anything else. and that's fucking amazing.
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| THIS JUST IN. |
[17 Jul 2008|01:10pm] |
i fuck everything up. let's not try to be handy girl ever again.
[edit]the dishwasher is fucked and that's one more thing to add to the extremely long list of bullshit i'm getting to deal with as of late. so an anxiety attack and two bars later, i plan to relax the fuck out of today.[/edit]
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| everything always comes full circle, because we are our own gods. |
[15 Jun 2008|10:42pm] |
if i was to start writing right now like i'd like to, i probably wouldn't be done for another couple years, but i can't let myself go there, because i'm about to crash the hardest right into the princess palace. just know that i know. and brad, and collin and laura know.
best thing ever:
QOD: "Happiness is not achieved by the conscious pursuit of happiness; it is generally the by-product of other activities."
- Aldous Huxley
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| poolside party. |
[10 May 2008|12:52am] |
( flashback. )
last summer was the summer of celibacy; this summer, it's the summer of sun. i spend most days by a pool or on the redneck riviera, soaking up the first bit of sun i've really gotten in years. it's relaxing and the constant compadres at our poolside parties keep my lazy summer days preoccupied pretty perfectly.
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| not by a teacher, but by a student and a peer. |
[23 Apr 2008|11:57pm] |
today, at the pool, i ran into a like-minded boy my age from my women in lit class that i rarely speak to, but recognize because he spoke frequently in class. we exchanged short and polite snatches of conversation in between lounging around and sort of swimming. before i left, we exchanged numbers and he said this to me, "monica, you know the other cuban girl from our class, and i were talking the other day and you got brought up. we were talking about how you are really smart and well-spoken. i just wanted to tell you that it was really and truly an honor to have you in class with us."
i think it's safe to say i don't need to record my feelings on the topic.
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